​Dear Time,

You have been quite a tricky one to figure out. You have been both a friend and an enemy. In my personal quest to make meaning in my life, I realize that I need to figure out how to navigate you and by doing so, stop fighting you. I just updated my iPhone and I noticed that Apple felt it was important to add seconds onto the timer function I often use. I guess hours and minutes were not enough, suddenly, seconds mattered. What is our society coming to? Even more reason to develop a more respectful and sustainable relationship with you.
 
My friend Tammy mentioned you over the summer, as she, who has been battling with you for decades, decided to finally find a way to live with you, peacefully. As she proclaimed that she was no longer a slave to you, would no longer feel your squeeze, and refused to be bullied by you, I was excited for her, but pondered if I too, had as difficult a relationship with you as she had. I immediately thought, “nah….” But as weeks went by and I continued to reflect, I don’t remember exactly when it hit me, but I woke up one day and thought, “Oh no…it’s true. I hate you.” Thus started my own journey of understanding your role in my life – how you provide for me, punish and manipulate me. And that perhaps, I am not alone in this feeling. That you do this to all of us. Or said another way, we allow you to.
 
At any given moment, I feel like I don’t have enough of you, Time. Though I have the same amount of time that every other person has, 24 hours just doesn’t seem like enough. I am constantly trying to find the 25th hour in the day. Because I tell myself that I would be happier if I just had that one more hour to get X done. Funny enough, whatever X is, it never seems to be work related. Although there isn’t as much time in my schedule for even those tasks, X is often more self-serving, like meditating more, slowing down and catching my breath, being mindful, or spending time with those I love.
 
As a society, we try to manipulate time by changing it (daylight savings), managing it (clocks, alarms, chimes), negotiating with it (“please give me one more day with my loved one before they pass”), and fighting the science behind it (Albert Einstein's 1905 special relativity challenge.) Time has defined my success in life. I would write out long lists of what needed to get done in a day and I was only happy if I could get the ridiculous number of things on that list done. If I didn’t, then I considered myself a failure or “less than.” Was that the right way to judge myself? Well, perhaps not, but the entire western society that surrounded me sent messages that time was to be feared and would become my arbiter on judgment day.
 
“If you are killing time, it’s not murder. It’s suicide.”  - Lou Holtz
 
The bad news is, time flies. The good news is, you and I are pilots of our lives.
I have control – you have control. But do I choose to take control? Not always. The control I sometimes seek is to go back in life. Not to change anything, but to feel a few things twice. What it felt like to be wrapped in my mother’s arms when I came out of the cold Atlantic Ocean after swallowing what felt like a gallon of salt water, what it felt like to hold my father’s arthritic hands, knowing that by being held, his pain was relieved, or what it felt like watching a live concert where I knew every word to every song as did everyone around me and so was not embarrassed to scream the lyrics at the top of my lungs. Those moments. But you can’t, they are gone. You have to make new ones. Sometimes, there is no next time, no second, third, or fourth chances, no pause button or time out. Sometimes it’s just now or never. Then what?
 
Humans seem to freeze when they face a “now time.” We so desperately want “time” and then, when time is given to us or a moment is offered up to take action, we freeze, unable to grab the opportunity and act.
 
“If you don’t make the time to work on creating the life you want, you’re eventually going to be forced to spend a lot of time dealing with a life you don’t want.”
 
Kevin Ngo’s quote reminds us that we are in some way in control of you time, but not so much how fast or slow we go, but how we use you. How much of my life has been spent trying to beat you, Time?
 
I struggle to make the most of you, Time, yet I find myself in a constant battle with you. You never seem to give back all that you take from me. I fall prey to your time vampires, you know those time-sucking people, projects, and tasks that take precious time away from your day, usually unexpectedly. You parade around every morning, teasing me, making me think that a totally unscheduled day will remain so, but there is always something that you throw in that takes you away from me. An unexpected emergency, call, or “client must have” that takes away precious hours of my day. So, I schedule myself to the minute, because when I schedule, then there isn’t time for time vampires. I use my schedule as a stake that I can throw at time vampires. And it works, most of the time. But occasionally, I throw the schedule stake and it bounces off. And suddenly, I have both a full schedule and a time vampire to deal with. No wonder I am exhausted. But I refuse to fall on your stake any longer.
 
Part of making meaning in my life means bringing back control over my schedule. And although as a Professional Certified Coach, I make meaning in my life every day I am working, I crave more meaning making. And that will take reflection. And time to do that reflection. And I’m a hypocrite if I tell others the #1 priority in their lives is their own self-reflection when I can’t seem to find the “time” to do it myself. I am reminded that if I don’t have time for what matters, I need to stop doing things that don’t.
 
It’s time to make meaning through working with time, instead of against it.
But I also need to remember, that sometimes, time needs, well, time.
​So, I’ll also be patient.
 
-AM

You thought figuring out what to do for a career was hard…some consider retirement harder. At FromWithin Coaching, we see time and time again people struggling to find their “dream job” in a career…in fact, many folks aren’t having a hard time “finding” their dream job – they are out there, instead, they struggle with knowing what they want in that dream job. So, what makes you think you will get clear, all of a sudden, the second you retire? Will you suddenly know what you want? I have seen it so often when folks finally get to retirement, they are just as lost about how they want to spend their time as they were when they were working. Shocking I know, I am sure your head went to sitting on a beach and sipping a cool, frosty beverage. But for most of us, we won’t be on a beach everyday of our retirement…then what will we do with our time?
 
As a Professional Certified Coach, my job is to help provide clarity, focus, and support in setting and getting my Clients’ career goals. But what happens when the dream of retiring arrives, and you aren’t ready for it? I don’t just mean, financially, although that is a large concern for many, but I mean emotionally. You think it will be easy to go from 90mph in your life to zero? Think again.
 
I look to subject matter expert, Kim Halladay, Ph.D., ACSW, LMSW when it comes to supporting individuals and couples avoid potholes and find opportunities and pathways to enrich life during one’s active older adult years – in other words, to help them discover the silver lining in aging. After a long career in the mental health field, including nearly a quarter century as the director of a community mental health center in Michigan, Dr. Halladay decided to move his professional focus away from counseling and organizational leadership towards working with people transitioning into their active older years. This is a journey he has personally traveled. And his voyage continues like everyone else.
 
Dr. Halladay shared with me that, “like most people, I assumed that my life beyond my primary career would fall naturally into place, just as the other chapters had. While it was a frustrating learning process for me, I eventually discovered that I had to nurture a fresh perspective and a new set of skills, since what had worked in my past didn’t quite address my new challenges. In retrospect, it became clear that many of the bumps I faced could have been smoothed out with better awareness, combined with the courage to make challenging life decisions. Ultimately, I realized that opportunities don’t just appear, but need to be sought out and created. Among other things, this meant confronting the daunting task of deciding what to look for and where. After all, it’s hard to succeed on a treasure hunt if you have no idea what you’re seeking.”
 
Dr. Halladay and his wife of 48 years, Jeanie, moved to Vermont in 2016 after residing in Michigan most of their lives. While the allure of Vermont’s beauty and life style were major attractions, being close to their three grandchildren was the principal motivator for their move.
 
As the final step in his career transformation, in 2017 Dr. Halladay created Act2 Transitions, a coaching, mentoring, and consulting practice. Act2 Transitions coaching is a structured and professionally guided process of addressing important issues and decisions that need to be confronted to improve the chances of a successful transition into the active older adult years. In coaching, individuals, and occasionally couples, meet with a professionally trained individual to prepare for life after the end of one’s primary work career. Act2 Transitions coaching is also used by persons already retired when things are not working out as desired. While financial security is a crucial building block for aging well, the coaching provided by Dr. Halladay focuses on non-financial factors that are also vital to success.
 
Can you benefit from sitting down with Dr. Halladay? Anyone seeking a positive life experience after the end of one’s primary work career will benefit by sitting down with him. This service will be especially valuable for persons who find themselves perplexed by the many variables and life decisions that need attention. (And isn’t that most of us?)
 
Ask yourself the following:

• How will I adapt to all the change happening in my life?
• What is really important to consider?
• What do I do first?
• How will I know when it’s time to retire?
• If I’m already retired and things just aren’t right, how do I find a pathway to what I had imagined for my retirement years?
• Or the question I ask myself every day, what the hell is going to be meaningful for me once the meaning making work I am doing ends?

 
If you do not have solid answers to the above questions, perhaps taking a moment in your busy day to consider if your “silver lining” of retirement is as sparkly as you think it is makes sense. My advice? Reach out to Dr. Halladay for a coaching session to stop guessing at what happens to you after retirement and become as intentional in your retirement as you are about your current career. 
 
Dr. Halladay can be reached at [email protected]. Tell him I sent you!
And reach out to me anytime at [email protected] to see what we can do for you, today. 
 
 

​​The “dog days,” I always thought, were those long summer days so devastatingly hot that the only energy dogs could muster was to lie around panting to help them alleviate the heat.

I learned recently that the term “Dog Days of Summer” actually has nothing to do with slowing down, but instead, it turns out, the dog days refer to the dog star, Sirius, and its position in the heavens during this time of year. 

Good to know, but I prefer the image of my Dog, Oz the Great, making the most of the summer by slowing down and truly appreciating what is important. Oz is an eleven-something year-old super mutt. He came into our life when he was three years old, already a soul who has seen a lifetime of pain. Yet he seemed to put it all behind him when he joined our family. Oz has been my mentor since the day we brought him home 8 years ago, but he becomes especially wise during the summer, when he reminds me to not only be and stay present, but to play every day even if it is only for five minutes, not hold a grudge, jump up and greet people in your life that you love even if you just saw them ten minutes ago, avoid biting when growling will do, accept yourself for who you are and where you are at this very moment, go for walks every day, and drink lots of water. 

All good lessons, but I would like to focus on the slowing down and staying present. Because as humans, even during summer, we forget to do exactly that. I personally find myself trying to pack in as much as I can in the summer including trying to have a year of dinner parties within three months, hiking all of those trails I didn’t get to over the spring, visiting as many family members as possible, tackling exterior house projects, visiting every creeme stand in the state of Vermont, and other “over-functioning” opportunities.  

For my dog, Oz summer means taking naps in the sun, rolling around in the grass, and just sitting in the backyard and watching the insects pollinate the flowers. He knows to look up at the stars when they magically appear before him at dusk. And during the day, he also knows to look up at the sun, only he does so without sunglasses, so he looks up through the trees and allows them to soften the light streaming through. For him, the dog days of summer mean being and going slower, in his walks around the neighborhood or when he eats. He has it figured out.  

For me, as the founder of FromWithin Coaching, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the explosive growth our organization has seen in the past year and I have spent more time than I care to admit working on the business. But Oz the dog has helped remind me what is important: to slow down and see what is happening right in front of me. Because in order for me to navigate the growth of our organization, I need to appreciate where we are right now as a company. 

So, take it from Oz, tap the brakes a little and transition out of summer nice and slow. Listen and watch for what might be next for you and your life. Oz the Great is all knowing and truly powerful because he sees what is before him.

​What is possible for you?